SERMON PREACHED BY
THE REVEREND DR. HAROLD T. LEWIS, RECTOR
CALVARY EPISCOPAL CHURCH,
PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA
IAT THE MARRIAGE OF RACHEL BETH GLOCKLEY AND BRIAN THOMAS KIRBY

SATURDAY 31 MAY 2008

 

 

"A threefold cord is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

From time to time, I have been a professor of homiletics, which is just a fancy word for preaching. When I make suggestions to students as to how they should craft a sermon, I tell them that they should zero in on one of the lessons, and then choose perhaps one or two verses from that lesson, speak to the theme or idea contained in them, and then drive the point home. I tell them not to try to impress the congregation with their knowledge of the theological significance of each of the lessons --- it might be too much for their listeners to comprehend --- much less retain. Today I am going to break my own rules, but for a good reason. Since I was ordained 37 years ago (yes! I was a child-priest) I have had my share of weddings, but I have never come across a couple like Rachel and Brian. While most couples are content to accept standard readings, Brian and Rachel went over each lesson, then scoured the Scriptures --- rejecting some readings as being not quite expressive enough of their theology of marriage and their view of their life together, and suggesting others not normally on the menu. So much thought went into choosing these three lessons, each of them representing what I would call a building-block of their marriage --- and I daresay every marriage --- that I would do an injustice to the lessons and to the hard work of the bride and groom if I zeroed in on just one of them. So with your indulgence (or without it) let me preach on all three lessons. And to make matters even more complicated, let me do it in reverse!

The lesson from Matthew's Gospel, unlike most Gospels appointed to be read at weddings, makes absolutely no mention of love. Instead, it seems to be all about the weather. We learn in this parable of the difference between two men, one of whom, the wise man, built his house on a foundation of rock, the other, the foolish man, on a foundation of sand. In each case, the house was assaulted by ill weather --- rains, floods and winds. The man who built his house on sand witnessed the utter destruction of his dwelling, whereas the man who built his house on the firm foundation discovered that his abode had withstood the assault, and remained in one piece. The message for marriage, fully understood by Brian and Rachel, is obvious. First, marriage cannot be built on a flimsy foundation. Beautiful looks, a clever tongue, beguiling charm or even a hefty bank account are good so far as they go, but foundations such as commonly shared values, religious conviction, a sense of vision, and an ability to sacrifice are far more important. Why? Because marriage does not exist in a hermetically-sealed vacuum. There are lots of things that can and do rain on the marital parade --- jealous friends and well-meaning but meddlesome parents, for instance. There are many things that threaten to sweep marriages away in a flood, like financial ruin. And there are, lest we forget, the winds of change. Marital couples are dynamic, not static, and the world shifts around them. An ability to renegotiate, to roll with the punches, to adopt a Plan B, when necessary, is absolutely essential to a healthy marital relationship.

In Paul's great description of love in First Corinthians, which can be viewed as a manual for marital bliss, the Apostle shows great insights into human nature. (I am fond of saying that the Bible predates Freud by thousands of years!) He seems to know that people who live in an intimate relationship under the same roof will, sooner or later, and from time to time, get on each other's nerves! A little later in this service, we will pray that Rachel and Brian, when they hurt each other, will acknowledge their fault, and seek each other's forgiveness and God's. Note that it doesn't say, if they hurt each other, or in the unlikely event that they hurt each other. One of the reasons we hurt each other is that by living together, we know what makes the other person tick, we know what gets on their last nerve, and sometimes we use this information to our advantage. Paul, in his advice, drives home the idea that marriage is made up of give-and-take. No-no's include insisting on our own way; being resentful, and gloating when the other person is wrong. And if I may add to Paul's list, I would say love means not majoring in the minors. Woe be to the couple who believes that World War III will break out if the toilet paper is hung the "wrong" way! When we clear the debris out of the relationship --- the petty stuff that always gets in the way, we then find, as Rachel and Brian doubtless will, that love will fuel a faith that, as St Paul says, will be able to move mountains!

Finally, let us ponder the words of the Preacher, Ecclesiastes. We would be hard put to find a more poetic description of marriage. The Preacher's words seem to complement so well the words of the marriage service that holy matrimony is intended for mutual joy, and for the help given one another in prosperity and adversity. Listen to what he says:
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow; again, if two lie together, they are warm; but how can one be warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Some of us are old enough to remember the old black-and-white 50's sitcom, The Honeymooners, starring Jackie Gleason and Audrey Meadows. Others, perhaps, have seen the re-runs. Whenever the couple get into an argument (every episode) and Ralph Cramden gets mad at Alice --- and himself ---- because he has really messed things up (every episode) he yells at his wife: "This is bigger than the both of us." I don't know if Mr. Gleason knew that his character was espousing sound theology, but he was. Marriages are greatly enhanced, and are more likely to be successful, when the couple realize that their marriage is not just about the two of them; there is a third party in it, and that party is God. A little later we will pray that what God has joined together, no one should put asunder. If marriage is a threefold cord, and one of those strands is God, the marriage is virtually indissoluble.

Rachel and Brian, joined in holy wedlock today, know that marriage is not a fairy tale. They know that they will not live happily ever after just because they are married. They know that unlike fairy tales, bad stuff can and does happen after they exchange their vows. But that's o.k. Because they also know that their marriage is built on a firm foundation, able to withstand the inclement weather that can affect their relationship. They know some of the pitfalls in marriage and how to deal with them. But they also know that today we celebrate the fact that they are joined not only to each other, but to God, who in the words of today's Psalm, will be gracious to them and bless them, and make his face to shine upon them. AMEN.